From a mother's loving heart and insane mind
by windofdreams
Summary: "Do I have the right to call you that—son—considering what I'm about to do? Probably not, and I wish things could be different. But I learnt the hard way that sometimes no family is better than bad family," are the words that Merope hoped her son could hear. "I forgive you, mother," are the words that Merope hoped her little Tom could speak.


****D**** ** **isclaimer: all the rights belong to J K Rowling****

 **QLFC, S4 R13, Ballycastle Bats, Keeper (reserve). Task: Letters - character must write a letter to someone they don't know very well.  
**

 **Hogwarts Houses Challenges: QP -** **Orchideous (spell), Amortentia (potion), s'mores (item) / DC -** **'Life' by Charlotte Brontë**

 **Word count: 1105**

* * *

 _Dear son of mine,_

 _do I have the right to call you that_ _—son_ _—considering what I'm about to do?_

 _I'm writing this letter because I'd like to ask for your forgiveness._

 _I have tried to move on, but it was all for nothing. Believe me; I've tried to be strong, fight, live for me, for you... even for your father. But I couldn't make it; I miss your dad too much._

 _Just the thought of not seeing him again—seeing his beautiful eyes—feeling his muscly arms embracing me—listening to his warm and familiar voice—all of this has been driving me crazy._

 _I want you to know that I have loved your father. Very, very much._

 _I unfortunately can't speak for him, but I admit he did not return my affections. I just deceived myself. Of course, I knew his love was artificial, but the joy in his eyes felt so genuine that it was easy to mistake it for something real and believable. Especially when his kisses allowed me_ _—and him_ _—to drift off into the sweetest oblivion._

 _I'm too weak to keep going. Please, forgive me._

 _I've always deceived myself. I liked to pretend that I was loved. By Marvolo, my so-called father. By Morfin, my so-called brother. By Tom; by merely feeding him with Amortentia—it was my sweetest and darkest secret, but I can't regret it for it brought you to me_ _ _—I thought strong, true love could blossom_. And even if I'm not getting to raise you as I'd wish, I'll be forever grateful to that potion, the only thing that managed to brighten up my life.  
_

 _It was just a dream, and now reality will strike me hard; I'll never meet you, my child. I'll never know the color of your eyes. I won't get to see your father in them, and I miss him so much.  
_

 _I've loved him._

 _He may have liked me somehow, in some twisted way, but not enough._

 _Never enough._

 _He's never accepted me. I was sure he has, but it was all my fault. I should have known he would never be able to love me the way he loved that other woman. Every time I saw those two together_ _—shoving a knife in my heart and twisting it would be less painful.  
_

 _Please, don't judge him. Don't blame him. It's all my fault; I was too naive, perhaps even stupid.  
_

 _He was a wonderful man. Brave. Gentle. Selfless._

 _I dreamt of having a baby with him for a long, long time, and when I knew I was pregnant with you, it filled my heart with joy._

 _But now he's gone, as good as dead, and I'm alone._

 _The very thought of replacing him, searching for a hint of happiness with anyone else, would be a lie._

 _Just a lie._

 _That's why I decided to give up life._

 _I'm too weak, tired, sick and miserable._

 _I know you're only an innocent baby who still has to come into this world, and I don't want to end your life before it even begins; I don't want to leave you alone... But what else am I supposed to do?_

 _I'll let you be born hoping you'll know that I love you._

 _You may think I'm an evil liar, but please you have to know that I love you. I always have._

 _If I'm doing this, it's just for love. You don't deserve someone like me. I'm doing this to let you live your sunny hours without being burdened by my constant death wish. I don't want my despair to kill your dreams too.  
_

 _Forgive me, forgive me, my little Tom._

 _Forgive your mother for letting you go. It's for your sake, trust me. I know how much your family can affect one's life, and I know how cruel relatives can be. As hard it may sound, experience has taught me that no family is better than bad family.  
_

 _All you need is love, and you know you have mine. Forever. But you don't need me and my insanity; that price would be too high. That's why I'm splitting myself; my death will make you free.  
_

 _Have courage and hope, my son._

 _Your loving mum_

As soon as Tom had finished reading his mother's letter, he fell to his knees, his body trembling and his eyes watering. He didn't expect anything like that from his mother. He didn't expect his mother actually loved him.

His eyes shifted to the girl by his side who looked as touched as he was.

As she hugged him tightly, the young man pressed a sweet, sad kiss on her lips. "Promise me," he said. "Promise me you'll never be like my mother."

She shook her head then resolutely answered, "I promise." The words were easy to say.

 _I forgive you, Mum. I forgive you,_ Tom thought, sobbing and burying his head in his girlfriend's hair. It smelled like jasmine and sugar. He couldn't help but grab a lock of her hair and sniff deeper. That scent was oddly refreshing. Suddenly, it occurred to him: s'mores. She must have eaten some lately. And they had eaten them when they first met too.

It was so relaxing.

Feeling her hand drawing soothing circles on his back, Tom gently squeezed her a bit more.

.oo00oo.

Merope had been playing this whole scene in her unstable and weary mind: the letter, Tom reading it with his girlfriend by his side to comfort him, her son forgiving her... Death seemed so much sweeter now that she believed to know her son's future.

Too bad it wasn't meant to be. Her feverish hands were too weak to hold a quill, and if they were not, she had not parchment or any other writing instrument. Both she and her love for her baby were doomed.

The letter would never be written.

Tom would never know.

He would never forgive.

He would never love.

She tried to conjure at least a bouquet of flowers to give to little Tom for his birth since none was there to do so for him, but her uneven breathing stopped before she could see if the Orchideous Spell had worked.

Once again, Kronos had opened his mouth and eagerly swallowed letting it all disappear without a trace of what could have been.

No one would ever know.

* * *

The end


End file.
